Bizarre News Stories: Rihanna gets drenched when she forgets umbrella!

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Rihanna gets drenched when she forgets umbrella!

Pop music punchbag Rihanna got caught out in the rain last night after she was turned away from the KoKo club in London Town where she was meant to be hosting her own birthday party!. Doormen turned the singer (famous for the song Raindrops keep falling on my head) away from the club because she was sporting a black eye (given to her for her birthday by boyfriend Chris Brown), and they thought 'she might be trouble!'
After an awkward 20 argument she admitted defeat and trudged off in the heavy rain, one onlooker said 'bet she wishes she'd brought her umbrella now!'.

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I'm a portly, some would say fat married woman with 2 kids who recently has been made redundant from a firm of Chartered Surveyors. I have previously been a designer of aeroplanes, an ice cream taster, a self taught computer expert and a salad dodger!. What I want to know is whats worse 1)The fact I sent my kid to a private school that we can't afford and he's only 6 or summat, or 2) I make him wear 'CROCS'!?.

Aunty Mindy 56

N.B. I drive a Passat if that helps at all!?!

Mindy, you barbaric parent!!, you made your child wear CROCS?, for that alone you deserve to be redundant forever!!

P.S. I've heard your home is a mess, get it cleaned you dirty monkey!!

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I present a show which is named after me on ITV which takes the piss out of lifes unfortunate misfits. I'd like people to take me seriously and give me a prime-time news show where I could put to use my DNA testing and lie detector skills to the test against people like Nick Griffin and the other tyrant Robert Mugabe. The thing is the TV bosses only think I'm capable of shouting at stupid people, they don't see that I'm a serious journalist stuck inside a twats body!, any advice?

Jeremy (45 Tit)

Jeremy, your not a serious journalist at all are you? your guests are dimwitted outcasts rounded up in Argos, your studio guests are rubberneckers who enjoy other peoples misery and your viewers are the work-shy or people who will shortly be appearing on your show. Give up mate, your no Trisha

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I've just been on a roadtrip which proved to be very difficult, but i did meet a very nice man called Neal Page. We caused quite alot of damage on the way to hire cars etc, and at one point i inadvertantly stole his credit card!. What can i tell ya, i'm a klutz i guess!?!. Anyway, listen to me blabbering on,...y'know... nothing grinds my gears more than a chatterbox just babbleing on with no point to the story or in this case letter!

Del (42 No fixed abode)

Del, are you the shower curtain ring guy? Those things you sold me are great....you were right....'best in the world!'.

Dear Bizarre

I can't stop putting lol after everything i write lol. Its becoming a problem because I've recently got a job writing in the deaths section of my local newspaper lol!. In my first piece i said ''Bob was a keen gardener and died doing what he enjoyed best.....the gardening lol''. My boss said it was inappropriate but the problem is i just don't know the correct place to use it? lol? Can you help? lol

Shanise (23 Chesterfield)

Shanise, most people your age and younger have the same problem, you seem to think that by putting lol after everything it makes you look funny!......it doesn't,.....it makes you a dick! stop it

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I hope you can help!, I'm in a really bad financial position but i've found a sure fire way to make a bit of extra money!, but i just need your help with a few matters. Do you know the best way to rob a bank? is it gun to a tellers head or drill into the vault from a neighbouring building? I've seen both methods used in the films and on TV etc but don't want to waste my time on either if they don't actually work if you know what i mean!?! lol.

Jimmy The Fingers (24 Strangeways)

Jimmy, good question!, we've asked around the office and we all agree its online fraud these days!. Simply hack into one of the high street banks computers and the worlds your money oyster! enjoy the cash!

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Debbie (16 Barnsley)

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Dear Bizarre

I accidentally heard Santa telling my Mum that if she really loved him she'd let him in the back door instead of the normal way?!?. I presume by the other way he meant the chimney?!?. I just want to make sure that if my Mum doesn't let Santa take the back entrance that it won't affect my chances of getting presents next year. I can understand if she won't let him because he might be very dirty having traveled round the world to all the boys and girls houses in the world, and he might not have brought any protection to put on his feet? Please put my mind at ease!

Brian (36 Swansea)

Brian, sounds to me like your mum is a bit of a Santa slut!, tell her to make sure the frisky fat man uses his sack wisely!!

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I'm an 8 year old boy who's been left Home Alone while my entire family have gone to Paris without me. I think they did it because I made a fuss about my brother Buzz eating all my cheese pizza which i kinda regret because now 2 bumbling thieves keep trying to break into my house all day and night long. All i want to know is will my family come back to me or have they gone for good?

Kevin (8 Chicago)

Kevin, no they probably won't come back!, you sound horrible and the reason why alot of parents wish they'd never had kids!

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I love Ant n Dec!, i reckon they're brilliant, so funny, but my girlfriend says she'll leave me unless i stop pretending i'm Dec. I just wander into strangers houses when they're playing on their Nintendo Wii's and talk to them about it and take them on at challenges and stuff, but my gf says its weird and freaky......cos I'm a 45 balding fat man!. Should i stop my obsession?

Derek (45 Grimsby)

Derek, you need a sidekick, then you won't look stupid!. Ask a mate to play Ant then you'll be Grimsby's biggest thing since fish!

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I know its wrong and i shouldn't..... but i like James Blunt! In fact i love the sound of his voice. I realise this is stupid and no normal person would feel like this so i'm really worried!! Am i going mad? will i get better? I can't talk to any friends about it cos i think they might ditch me......please help!?!?

Dave (23 Luton)

Dave, you're right its not normal, especially for a man but with help you can get better!. Try not to listen to him, no matter how hard you find it, and try watching MTV2 instead of MTV. That should sort you out in no time!!

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I'm a intelligent career girl with a boyfriend who i'm really fond of and think he could be the one, but he has a problem. He's abit overweight and he insists on wearing skinny jeans in public!?!. Is this just a passing phase?, or will he always look stupid?. People often point, stare and shout things when he goes out and its got me thinking that he might be mentally ill!

Can you help?

Carrie (23 Derby)

Carrie, dump him, he sounds like a fashion victim, next you'll find him wearing plimsols and shortsleeved checked cowboy shirts. Get out while you can!

Bizarre News Stories

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Rihanna gets drenched when she forgets umbrella!

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