Peppa's Pigged Off!

Star of her own TV show Peppa Pig (pictured above in happier times) has once again been in trouble with the authorities. The troubled youngster has been caught by police travelling in the passenger seat of her dad's car not wearing a seat belt!.

Peppa's career may have been short but it certainly has not been boring. In 2005 she famously converted to Islam and was rumoured to have visited a terrorist training camp (although these allegations were never proven), a year later she had her first visit to The Priory to help her quit her Heroin problem and in 2007 was caught on film in the infamous '3 in a bed' tape made in Ayia Napa with Kermit and Miss Piggy.

After this shaky period in her life 2008 was going well, with Peppa being told that despite the negative publicity she would not lose her hit show. In fact things went that well that she was offered a BBC2 Radio show with 'Loose Cannon' erratic presenter Shaun The Sheep. Shaun has also courted controversy over the years and the pairing of the two 'stars' together was a disaster with the BBC receiving on average 700 complaints after every show with the foul mouthed Animals breaching BBC broadcasting regulations on a regular basis.

The most high profile incident being when they rang up the ageing star Bungle from 70's hit kids show Rainbow and teased him about how Shaun (The Sheep) had slept with his Granddaughter after the Bear had failed to show up for a studio interview with the pair.

Peppa has been told to pay £340 and has 6 points on her pig driving license for her latest transgression, as the law prohibits pigs from travelling in the front of vehicles. Peppa commented to our reporter on the phone 'It's feckin typical, I'm being picked on again, I'm gonna quit this country and go somewhere where pigs are respected......like Pakistan or summat!?!'.

Police chief Ian Wolfwhistle also speaking to our reporter simply said 'Peppa needs to cut out this bad behavior and show some respect....or should i say 'Chop' it out.....d'yer get it? Chop!......Pork.....she's a pig!....oh f....'.

Ashton Kutcher admits 'I got the idea from Richard Madeley!'

American actor Ashton Kutcher famous for no films at all because he's not that good and MTV's Punked show, has admitted that he got the idea of marrying a pensioner (Demi Moore 65) from Richard Madeley over 10 years ago when he was nothing but a child!.

Speaking to popular over 65's magazine 'Something For The Old People' Kutcher said ''I went on the ITV This Morning show (watched by the unemployed and the stupid) and there was this guy on it with long hair who had just been caught stealing from Tesco's......I think the guy was called Richard?????, anyway, he presented the show with a woman I presumed was his mother or granny!, she just sat there shaking and showing her bra off!?!....... I never realised that she was his wife!. He told me that older women had plenty of things in their favor.......experience, cooking abilities and a state pension!. It was then that I decided thats what I was gonna do, so I went to a Hollywood old peoples home and picked up Demi. Shes not all there mentally but for a wrinkly she ain't so bad is she?? anyway gotta go, I have to have her back to Glenview Pines by 7pm for her evening meal!''.

Sick woman sues Noel Edmunds for being Noel Edmunds!

Bearded box enthusiast Noel Edmunds (above) is being sued by one of the recipients of his annual 'Noel's Christmas Presents' featured on the Sky One TV show of the same name.

The woman who is being called Zara Lewis because that's her name, suffers from a rare anti box opening game show disease called 'Noels Syndrome'. This one of a kind illness will mean that Lewis (Zara) will eventually realise that any TV show featuring Noel (Edmunds) is utterly pointless and will never be able to watch one of his shows without getting unbelievably angry that the beardy 'spray on trousered' lion lookalike is allowed to be on television.

When Noel heard about the unfortunate Lewis he wanted to help her while she would still think he was great, and he discovered the best way to do this was to make her dream come true of getting married to her partner Mike in Barbados. All was going well until Edmunds insisted on giving the bride away whilst wearing one of his trademark flowery shirts and tight jeans combination outfits. Lewis described the day...... 'All was going well, Noel and been wonderful and I just presumed he was going to be at the wedding as a guest, but he told my dad it would be better for the show if he himself gave me away. So i had to suffer the embarrassment of being walked down the aisle by that creepy toss pot!.....which brought my underlying Edmunds Syndrome on quicker!'.

Since Lewis now despises the star of Deal Or No Deal, she has sued him for making her look stupid on the biggest day of her life, with lawyer Simon Appleby of Appleby and Appleby Lawyers saying 'Lewis has got a great case against him, imagine your wedding day and you've got Noel Edmunds telling all the guests to think positive and she'll say yes!....it cheapens the sanctity of marriage'.

Confused Price forgets who her boyfriend is!

Winner of the recent award for 'The Worlds Worse Human' Katy Price (pictured above refusing to let go of Peter Andre) has admitted that she has forgotten who her boyfriend is at the moment!.

Speaking to TIT magazine the big chested and ego-ed non star said 'I remember splitting up with Pete (Andre), then ITV 2 told me I needed an new boyfriend cos of the new show I was starring in wot was called 'Jordans New Man'. So that's when I hired Alex the cross dressing cage fighter, then I got the chance to go back to the jungle wot I met Pete in and I fink I split up with Alex whilst I was there!?!. I didn't tell him personally but he must have been watching when I said I wanted to split up with him!?. We've all been there haven't we girls?, you're on the TV and you accidentally tell the world you want to split up with your boyfriend without having spoken to your boyfriend about it..........I mean, its all equality these days isn't it, wot with it being the 90's and everything!!'. Anyway, then i came out of the jungle cos I was having so much fun doing all the tasks, I just thought it would be fair to let other people have a go being as the public were showing how much they still loved me, and I got back with Alex, but then I met Dave Bowers who I used to go out with before I made that pregnant porn video and I had a night with him.....but I can't remember if I'm going out with Dave (Bowers) or Alex (cross dressing dumbo)???. Then wot got me really mad was seeing them both on Celeb Big Bro..............I mean if Channel 4 wanted z list celebs.....why didn't they call me???'.

ITV line up changes!

ITV's head of light entertainment has admitted that the 2010 line up of programmes will all feature in some way either Ant n Dec, Simon Cowell or Piers Morgan.

Liz Thompson speaking to Bizarre News said 'We decided that being as they were in 90% of all output anyway we might as well make them appear in everything we show!'.

This means that shows such as Coronation Street are going to be incorporating one of the ITV darlings somehow, and early indications are that Piers Morgan will be appearing in the Manchester based soap opera as Vincent Sinclair, Audrey Roberts very smug and pompous name dropping estranged son from an affair she had following a day trip to London.

Simon Cowell as well as continuing his position as 'critical twat' on both Britain's Got Talent and X Factor will be taking the lead in Midsomer Murders as Chief Inspector Barnaby now that John Nettles has given up the role. A Bizarre source told us that ' we've been hearing him practicing his lines backstage at American Idol!....we heard him saying 'That had to be, the most pointless murder and worst use of a crowbar I've ever seen in my life! and i really mean that i really do!'.

Ant n Dec who were recently crowned as the most successful gay Siamese twins in history, have been earmarked to take over the helm as the husband and wife duo on This Morning being as Holly Willoughby and Pip Schofield are not believable as an 'on screen' couple because of the age difference!, despite claims from Schofield that 'People think I'm old, but I'm prematurely grey.....I'm in my late twenties honest.......well, thirty.......thirty ish, to mid thirties........well, forty's the new twenty now isn't it, so technically I'm still twenty so Holly could be my wife!'. Willoughby simply quipped 'Me and Schofield as a couple!?!? ha, unlikely grey boy!'.